During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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