U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
