so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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