Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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