It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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