i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
