naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
