Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dear god my vagina.
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