Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
