Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
