I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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