I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
