just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
