Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
