his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
