so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
