I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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