I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
