I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
