It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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