So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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