Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
