you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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