Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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