I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
