Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
