I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
