I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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