This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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