I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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