You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you never un-have a 4some
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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