I skipped work to stalk him.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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