She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
