I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
