is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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