I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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