Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
