I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
