but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
