physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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