Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
