Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
