I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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