This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
