This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
