please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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