Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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