Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
