So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
