why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
cat food counts as protein by the way
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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