we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
