Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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