Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
